I dropped out of North Carolina A&T the year before I came to Maryland. I was thrown off guard by some of the other difficulties I faced in my life and I felt like I was a slave to pornography and masturbation every time I attempted to stop. Slowly drifting away from all the hope I had for life, my depression develops and I entertained just a thought of killing myself. I was becoming more obsessed and pleased with the idea of making my absence felt through suicide, it was pleasing to me only because I started to fall in love with the misery that kept reoccurring.
My dreams were crushed and I’m feeling really low at this point of time, every day I just grew numb to feelings and it became more fulfilling to think of misery. My self pity was prideful and disgusting and at times would be for attention that could never satisfy my longing for a personal intimate relationship.
Looking in all the wrong places and being everything I wasn’t suppose to be, my only vow to God that kept me sane was virginity. That was the only worth I felt I had with God that I could claim to. All of the personal Bible studies taught me how to talk to God and how to walk with God and how much my efforts wouldn’t sustain me and how my self righteousness were like dirty menstrual rags to God.
I remember when Mike reached out to me and invited me to the Bible talk Daanish led. I just craved to be around people that were so spiritual. I know I definitely needed to be at Bible talk and not even realizing it was the start of a beautiful journey that would save my life literally and spiritually.
I ended up getting baptized October 5th, 2014. I realize now that this walk with God is not a fake walk and not just for show, but a walk that will with every step mature me more and help me to grow in the knowledge of Christ through wisdom and understanding. In view of God’s mercy through message of the cross is what keeps me so faithful today.
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