Do you know how in the movies, where something terrible sets a person off, and then suddenly, the movie skips forwards to find them prostrate on the bathroom floor?
Frazzled demeanor, hair astray, breathing shakily.
I never thought I’d find myself in that kind of situation and that it was part of God’s perfect plan for my life. This Scripture gives a good visual of how I see anxiety as the thorn God is using, to keep me humble no matter what happens in my life.
“…Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
-2 Corinthians 12:7b-9 NIV
Just a couple months ago, I found myself there, as in the movies, on the floor having a panic attack. There I was, at my place of profession, curled up in a corner like a baby, just waiting for my body to come back to reality. Although, this kind of reaction hasn’t been a common occurrence lately, when it hit, it struck hard.
Anxiety and depression are very real things to me.
Before I became a Christian, I found myself being anxious majority of the time. There are many traumatic events that have occurred in my life, that produced this pattern of response and avoidance. There are certain places I won’t go alone, there are specific people I don’t always feel comfortable speaking with, and there are many memories I choose not to speak about.
I am sometimes constantly a little ball of anxiety. Heart beating heavily in my chest, entire body full of tremors, tears falling carelessly down my cheeks, my thoughts quickly racing from one reactive comment to another.
Of course, there are times when someone will say something that reminds me of my time playing basketball in college, and I subsequently find myself frozen for the rest of the day.
If you know me, you know just about anything basketball related, will have me freeze, even if for a moment. Usually, to get my mind back into motion, I watch Netflix, or play a game on my phone.
However, as a Christian woman, I am called to a higher standard.
I should ground myself in God, and not what the world has to offer me. I should go to him in prayer.
Grounding can be defined as, “… a set of simple strategies that can help you detach from emotional pain (e.g., anxiety, anger, sadness, self-harm)….You may also think of grounding as centering, distracting, creating a safe place, or healthy detachment” (Najavits, 2002).
I’m not always the best at grounding myself. I sometimes use techniques that are neither efficient or long lasting to get me throughout the day. So, I took a pause and asked myself why? Why do I constantly feel like once I have an anxiety attack or get triggered by an occurrence, I am pretty much done for the day? Of course, sometimes I can choose to fight, but then find that the solution is to just wait it out.
In other times, I don’t fight, but wallow in the emotional void. There’s a fine difference in fighting through the best you can, and making no effort at all. There’s effort and then there’s giving up. No middle ground in that instance.
More often than not, I find myself needing to come down from an emotional high, whether from a depressive episode or quick anxious moment and hence find grounding to be extremely helpful.
The question I ask myself as a Christian woman, is whether I ground myself with the world, or with the word of God?
The painful, but honest answer, is that I almost always ground myself with the world. Some examples include seeking out answers from medical professionals, watching Netflix, and binging on sweets, to name a few. Now, there’s nothing wrong with seeking out these things. It only becomes a dilemma when I seek them out FIRST.
In everything I do, my goal should be to seek an answer and refuge in God first and foremost.
In Psalms 46:1 it reads, “God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in time of trouble.” This scripture is truly amazing. It tells us that God is our refuge, our shelter,our safety and our strength. It says he is ALWAYS ready to help in time of trouble. When we run to the world first, in times of trouble or hardship, we neglect the gift of the powerful and Almighty God, our Father. In a way, it’s like we are saying we do not trust that He is enough.
Honestly, I have started to learn the hard way. God is ALWAYS enough.No matter what goes on in our lives. No matter the circumstances. Good or bad. We will always yearn for more, that only the Lord can fill.
Eventually, there will come a time where you realize just how lost this world is. And you will earnestly look for something to fill the void in your life. We were created solely for God to fill that void. This world is a parched and weary land, where there is no water. Only God can provide the water that will last forever.
Throughout my life, I’ve always struggled with truly believing I was meant for anything special. It wasn’t until I was baptized until Christ, that I realized how truly humble I’ve had to become to truly be at peace. This thorn, allowed by God, has inspired me to be more open about my spiritual journey and seek counsel on how to help ground myself more. Being in God’s word constantly, helps ground me deeper in His perfect plan for my life. However, I have seen improvements only when I am willing to truly humble myself before Him and the people He has placed in my life.
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